Personal thoughts V

I'm tired. Tired of travelling with no fix idea. Tired of wondering around without the impression of doing something useful. Something useful for me, for my experiences through life, for my professional interest.

On my stay in Goa, Hampi and Gokarna I hardly took out my camera. I wasn't even picturing my idea of places I was seeing. I was totally loosing track of my purpose in India. It's true I had a fixed destination, Nepal, to renew my Visa. But I wasn't sure of how much did I want to spend there. The idea of going in and out as quickly as Indian bureaucracy would let me was getting stronger and stronger. I needed to do something. Just wanted to get to Pondicherry and volunteer. To work? I really hope is not that, but yes, why not see it that way also. Travelling had become holidays and I couldn't get out of them. And I wanted to get out of them.

Ideas started flowing into my mind. Business ideas. That only happens when you're tired of your job and you're looking for a way out. I wasn't even working!

Would getting out of Mumbai, heading to hectic Rajasthan change my mind? Everything was doubt. How could I enjoy Bundi if I didn't seem to want to be there? It was just a transit point to make my trip to Nepal easier, lighter. Was I prepared to the travelling again when I felt so much apathy towards it? Nothing seemed to be sure. Nothing is sure in India. Only what you have already lived, and even that, sometimes, feels like a dream. Was that it? Was I just living a dream inside an unsure reality? I had to change my attitude. Regain the patience that made me survive my first week in India. I would at some point regain balance, again be sure of myself, again in the track.